A Modern Woman's Guide to Power
Setting Boundaries
In Taking Time for Yourself we introduce the idea of taking care of your own needs in order to show up as your best self with others. Although spending time alone is an important need, Rama, Frederick Lenz offered that we do not need to leave society entirely to advance on the path of spiritual development. In fact, the “real-world” offers the fastest path to enlightenment, when every experience and relationship of our daily life is used properly.
Since relationships are one of life’s areas where we gain and lose the most energy, it is important to pay special attention to how we are affected by them and to mindfully manage them. By applying ways of interacting with others that yield the highest energy, we can propel ourselves and others to greater success, not only in meeting spiritual aspirations, but also in career, health, and other pursuits.
Part of managing relationships properly is learning to set and enforce boundaries. For many women, boundaries are not a topic that they have been taught at an early age or encouraged to develop to mastery. In fact, due to a long-term history of suppression of women around the world, it’s more common for women’s needs and boundaries to be pushed down or dismissed by men (or other women), both consciously or unconsciously.
To address this and empower women to stand up for their needs, we are providing a structure that you can apply which is similar to the one in Getting Your Needs Met:
Know your Needs – Understanding what it is that you need in and out of your relationships is the starting point to determining which boundaries you will need to set. Rama, Frederick Lenz encouraged women and men to consider the following boundaries:
- Equal treatment and opportunity for women and men in spiritual development, career, and other types of opportunities
- Respectful and supportive interactions between women
- Limiting intimate contact to a partner that is selfless and loving during and outside of the act
“The most important problem for our world to solve is the inequality of men and women.” -Rama, Frederick Lenz
Translate those needs into boundaries. Brainstorm ways to ensure your basic needs are met. For example, you will not engage in a relationship with someone that doesn’t view and treat you as an equal, who doesn’t give you space and time to recharge energy, or who chooses to ignore you when you say “no,” about unwanted physical contact.
“Intelligence is something that is not just thinking, it’s feeling. Ultimately, the highest reflection of intelligent life is cooperative life in which all benefit.” -Rama, Frederick Lenz
Communicate the boundaries clearly to those involved. Every person has different needs. It’s important to not assume that another person is aware of or understands a given boundary that is important to you. It may be their boundaries are prioritized differently or opposite of yours. Take the time to explain your boundary clearly, why you created it, your intent to enforce it, and what will happen if you have to enforce it.
“Consider the way you speak and your use of language; it’s a reflection of your warrior spirit. There are really only three important things to remember in life: To care, to share, and to be fair.” –Rama, Frederick Lenz
Make a commitment to not compromise on boundaries. Enforce the boundary consistently to ensure the message is clear to the other person(s) about what is ok and not ok. Inconsistent enforcement can lead to mixed messages and the other person(s) becoming confused on how they are expected to interact and whether the stated boundary is still in effect.
“It is necessary to go through all the daily tasks and bring perfection to them…Why do everything perfectly? Isn’t perfection just an illusion? Tell me if it’s an illusion if they don’t fix your car perfectly next time you bring it in.” -Rama, Frederick Lenz
Track your progress and results from setting these boundaries. Celebrate the wins and look for more areas in your life where you could apply boundaries for similar (positive) effects. If a set boundary did not yield expected results, take the time to understand why and apply what you have learned to modify the boundary or your approach.
“Work to change and improve things even though, at times, it seems impossible.”
-Rama, Frederick Lenz
Setting boundaries and managing relationships will take time to learn and perfect, but will improve and become easier over time, until it becomes almost second nature. Take the time and effort to set strong boundaries and become an example to other women in how to build and maintain healthy, happy, and loving relationships!